"Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving
— it doesn’t matter,
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken
your vow a thousand times,
come, come again, come." - Rumi

Learning How to Feel

I went to see Ingrid Michaelson perform the other night. I didn’t go to see her with any expectation that I might actually be moved by her work. I’m not really a big fan. I’m not very familiar with her canon. I was there because I like music in general and I really like being with my girls, who love Ms. Michaelson.
So a couple of cute songs and stories in, Michaelson’s band vacates the stage, and she sits down alone at her little spinet piano without introduction and launches into “Ghost.” I had never heard the song. It was stunning. I was glad the hall was dark, sitting in my seat, holding hands with my beautiful bride, tears falling down my face. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. And it’s a musical memory that will live with me, I suspect, for a really long time.
I loved so many of these words, and I heard and remembered every one of them, though this was the very first time I’d heard the song: “do you remember the sound the door made when you closed it on me?” “...I went down to the ground, landed on both my broken hearted knees.” “...pieces of me had already died.” “I’m broken down the middle of my heart, heart.” (I really thought, when she was singing, that she sang “hard, hard heart,” which would be just as beautiful and heavy and sad.)
She said as she began to introduce her next song, “sometimes you feel songs more than others.” That’s so very true. I think in this performance perhaps she got lost in the sadness of her own song for a moment. It was at once painful and wonderful. I am so oddly glad that I had the privilege of being in the room while she shared that heartbreak. I consider it an homage to her artistry that my heart broke again right along with hers.
It’s odd how music flows to and through us. It comes from somewhere we don’t know, and it might flow through us like a trickle of water or like a giant wave crashing. It might clash with whatever we’re feeling in a given moment, or juxtapose it, or turn it on its ear. And it might splash others in a given moment or it might not. I know that I was happily drumming along with songs before and after “Ghost”. I have no idea how many others were as taken by her performance of that song as I was. That’s yet another mystery for me to ponder but never know in truth.
Sometimes we get to have those moments, you know? The ones that take our breath away or fill us with unspeakable joy or peace or pain? Do you know the feeling? If you don’t - and I remind you that I know it’s not my place to tell you how to live your life, but - you need to open up. You need to smile more and cry more. It’s so important to feel and to acknowledge not just what you feel, but that you feel. That’s what gives us our humanity.
I often wonder in these moments where wonder comes from. In moments where I am overwhelmed with a particular emotion, in the midst of whatever the emotion is, I’m always grateful. I’m so glad that I get to feel, because I think feeling is frequently discouraged in our lives, and emotional depth gives our moments so much more value.  
Rumi said, “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” Gibran said, “The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” I like to say, “when life is crushing my soul, I am grateful for the reminder that I have one.” Find moments. Let them wash over you. Wallow in them. And be grateful that you can.

How to Deal with Pressing Social Problems

Here's a public service announcement.
Dear friends,
I just read that the unintended pregnancy rate in the United States is nearly 50%. What that means is that many people are having sex without considering that sex is how pregnancy happens.
Please consider, when you have sex, that you might get pregnant. (No fair, if you’re male, laughing at that notion. It takes two. If she’s pregnant, it’s equally your fault and equally your responsibility, within limits.)
Let me say that again: Please consider, when you have sex, that you might get pregnant. When considering this, however briefly, ask yourself, “Do I want to get pregnant?” If yes, enjoy. If no, stop. Protect yourself in whatever way is necessary to prevent pregnancy. Then, enjoy.
Good?

Also,
Dear friends,
I just read that the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) in the United States is continuing to climb. What that means is that many people are having sex without considering that sex is how STDs happen.
Please consider, when you have sex, that you might get an STD. (No fair, if you’re male, laughing at that notion. It takes two. You can get and give STDs, and if you get one or give one, it’s equally your fault and equally your responsibility, within limits.)
Let me say that again: Please consider, when you have sex, that you might get an STD. When considering this, however briefly, ask yourself, “Do I want to get an STD?” If yes, enjoy. If no, stop. Protect yourself in whatever way is necessary to prevent an STD. Then, enjoy.
Good?

Thanks. Love you!

A History Lesson from the Opera

Last night, I had the privilege of attending the Washington National Opera performance of Verdi’s Nabucco. It was terrific! It was true, traditional, opera, the way that Italians especially know and do: short bursts of confusing plot development mixed with long, emotive, arias and ensemble singing and beautiful music that doesn’t quite mesh with the story.

Nabucco isn’t Verdi’s most famous opera. It’s far from his best or most mature work. It really cemented him, though, as a great Italian opera composer. This was his 3^rd opera. His first was a minor success, which got him a contract for 2 more. While writing the second, Verdi’s wife and two children died. The second opera closed after a single performance, a miserable flop. Verdi not surprisingly sank into depression. Somehow, someone convinced him to take this quirky libretto, a rather fanciful extrapolation of the biblical story of Nebuchadnezzar and the fall of Babylon, and compose on it.

What comes out is beautiful and tuneful, and it’s easy to see why the Italians love it so. It’s also a huge production, requiring whole choruses of Hebrew slaves and Assyrian priests and soldiers. And the soprano and baritone leads (Abigaille and Nabucco) are extraordinarily difficult, the former known for wrecking the voices of sopranos who take it on too early in their careers. As such, it’s not performed with nearly the frequency of many of Verdi’s more famous operas.

I had two very favorite musical moments in the opera. In the first act, we discover that the younger Assyrian Princess (Fenena) and the young leader of the Hebrews are former lovers, which tortures the older, more power-mad Assyrian Princess (Abigaille). Three very talented younger artists, including a wonderful young tenor I’m privileged to know, Sean Panikkar (http://www.seanpanikkar.com/_/Home.html), played these roles and sang a beautiful version of this trio. It was stunning, more beautiful and well-balanced than this recording, but at least you can get an idea.

The real core of Nabucco, though, is in its history, and the WNO’s staging was designed specifically to present this in a blatant way that would never have been part of this production in its early years. You see, when Verdi wrote Nabucco, Italy was largely occupied by Austrians, and Nabucco became a rallying cry for the young Italians interested in “Risorgimento”, literally “the resurgence,” but, more accurately, a revolution eliminating foreign rule and creating a unified Italy.

What’s most interesting to me is that Verdi probably didn’t intend for this to be the result of his interpretation of this story. Historians think, and I’m inclined to agree, that he was just setting this strange story, hopefully in a way that would give his fellow opera goers some great tunes to sing. Inadvertently, he fortified a movement, and it in turn fortified him as the opera was performed constantly across Italy in its first couple of years, which brings me to my second favorite moment (and third, though they’re the same music.)

“Va pensiero” is also known as the chorus of the Hebrew slaves. It’s a brilliant, warm lament about oppression and a dream of freedom. Perhaps Verdi knew full well what he was doing, but to this day, this chorus is a (not “the”) national anthem for Italy. When the opera is performed, traditionally, the audience erupts into thunderous applause and cries of “Viva, L’Italia!”, and the performance often recycles to the beginning of the chorus for a reprise. Here’s a beautiful example:

Last night’s staging featured no immediate reprise, and in the end, the reason was clear. During the overture and at each intermission, a group of people dressed in mid-19^th century garb danced or processed across the stage to a replica of an opera box, set up along the stage right wing. For the most part, these people just took their places and watched the opera. Occasionally, I wondered why the singers appeared to be sinning to them fairly directly.

When it came time for “Va pensiero”, the stage changed completely. The sets were turned around so that we in the audience were made to feel we were sitting behind the stage, and there were a number of people in 19^th century clothes downstage, between us and the sets – so these people were supposed to be backstage staff at a 19th century Italian opera house. The Hebrew chorus took their places and sang “Va pensiero”, and most of the people “backstage” stopped in the moment, plaintively singing along. After the chorus, and the thunderous applause, and a few cries of “Viva, L’Italia!” everyone cleared the stage, and the sets were moved for the next scene, by crew dressed in that 19^th century style. No reprise.

In those moments, I realized that the director had seized on his opportunity to tell the story of Verdi, Nabucco, and the Risorgimento by creating this little opera within the opera. The fancy people and soldiers were Austrians, granted the good boxes at the opera and the protection of soldiers by virtue of their rule. Nabucco was a gentle but effective poke at the political situation in Italy at the time.

During the bows, when Abigaille took her initial bow, she quieted the audience, and the entire cast sang “Va pensiero” again, holding the colors of the Italian flag. During this rendition, several of the “Austrian” soldiers appeared on the stage, threatening, but the cast merely finished their singing, and then finished their bows, and the show ended.

What a brilliant idea, this little opera within and opera. It was a very special homage to this de facto Italian anthem, composed, almost incidentally, but a 27-year-old Italian just hoping that his third opera wouldn’t be his last.

What an honor it is to learn things everywhere I go, and a blessing to learn while wallowing in this kind of beauty.

Beginnings and Endings

I am stuck today thinking about the future and my kids and their beginnings and endings. My girls will sing tonight, in a performance whose theme is "beginnings and endings", and it will be wonderful, and I will probably weep a bit - mostly in joy, but perhaps tinged with sadness at the inexorable march of time - and wallow in their moment as best I can.

I hope they can relish it, soak in it while it’s happening, because it’s just a fleeting moment, an ending of sorts, connected as all endings are to the beginning of something else. I think they can see this continuum more clearly than I. I also think we all have a tendency to wallow in the endings and forget to celebrate the beginnings. And I understand that this is because the endings are things we know and the beginnings are usually things we don’t, and it's hard to celebrate not knowing.  

So, tonight, I will wallow a bit, while thinking a lot about what may be next, and I will celebrate both the ending and the beginning in the company of my wonderful family and friends, and I will raise a toast that all our beginnings and endings continue to be entwined.

Now, I give thanks for this moment. And I work humbly.

On the Brighton Schools Bond proposal: Vote Yes May 8

A bunch of thoughts, after reading the proposal cover to cover and hearing a bunch of arguments from people who haven't:

So, the no voters put their signs up and got a couple of comments and editorials in the papers. I probably shouldn't start here, but I was absolutely appalled to see an editorial from John Conely online. He’s a school board member. He should be drummed off the board for using his position to advocate against the bond. Why on earth should he be allowed to publish widely an opinion piece promoting a position he couldn’t convince half-a-dozen fellow board members was the best course of action?

Second, if you’re going to vote no, why don’t you skip the election and put your house on the market? If you won’t pass this bond, that’s probably a better use of your time, since you don’t want to wait to sell until your property value erodes further!

Third, if you’re going to call this a sneaky election, you should do it while acknowledging that the school board superintendent has gone out and done everything in his power and within election law to make sure you’re aware there’s an election and to offer you a chance to ask your questions. There are also a gazillion signs up for both sides all over town. What about this is sneaky?

If you’re using “sneaky” as your argument, you should have called the superintendent or one of the board members and discussed with them why they wanted the election now. It isn’t, of course, because they thought they could pass the bond if they held the election in a low turnout moment. It’s because they can borrow the most for the least cost right now. Trailing averages and existing debt levy will mean higher borrowing costs in the fall, especially if property values fall further.

If the amount and duration of the bond is your issue, I understand completely. I agree that we’re encumbering ourselves for a while for a lot of money, though it won’t actually be much at a time. Restructuring old debt (a part of what the new bond does), means your increase is capped at the equivalent of about $150 per $100,000. That’s why they’ve used that number. If the bond doesn’t pass and your home values continue to fall, the current bonds will cost more than that within two years. Please folks, have a look at the math. It’s complicated, but really beneficial. (See here for a pretty simple, cogent explanation: http://bit.ly/JYoS14) 

Next. If it’s just that you don’t want to pay more taxes, please just go home and put your house on the market, because your self-interest is really going to get in the way of your self-interest here. If you don’t pass this bond you may save yourself $150 next year. But you’ll continue to lose property value, the district will continue to lose students, the board and superintendent will not be able to balance the budget as they’ve done this year, the buildings will deteriorate further, the kids and teachers will still have to use 1997 technology in an age where learning with technology is advancing to rapidly, etc. etc. So that $150 you’ll save yourself will probably cost you half again the value of your home in the long run. How can you be so selfish and short sighted? How can you be so short sighted that you can’t see how this bond benefits you while it’s benefitting our kids and community?

I agree that there is some merit to the “frivolity” argument. There are $16 million in athletic facility upgrades in the bond. That’s pretty substantial, and, in my opinion, maybe more than is necessary. However, as we all know, athletics brings the community together and attracts families and students. We’ve all admired someone else’s facilities. Here’s our chance to catch up.

As for keeping up once we’ve caught up? The more important part of the frivolity argument, if you’ve read the bond, is that it’s structured to set aside some maintenance reserves going forward. There’s actually thought and foresight here.

I have a lot of confidence in our current superintendent. The guy has done what so many boards and superintendents before him didn’t: he balanced the budget. We all understand what effort that took. We have teachers who are working just because they love our kids and not because they’re getting decent remuneration for what they’re doing. We have buildings that, while they may not be falling down, they’re not in good shape because we’ve penny pinched on maintenance. And, most importantly, we have technology in the district that is pretty much an embarrassment, albeit cobbled together as best as possible with available resources by some very dedicated people.

Folks, please, recognize that our frustration with the short sighted prior management of our schools has brought us here, and that this is the best way out at the moment. A better way isn’t going to suddenly present itself.

And realize just how fabulously our students have done to date with current facilities and funding and technology. Think about the amazing success of these students and teachers. Then remind yourself that, AFTER we pass the bond, we'll still have the lowest tax and debt rates of any district in the county. 

The sinking fund and private bonds that Mr. Conely suggests would be a lovely idea if there were a current market and investors who would back us; unfortunately, our existing credit history as a district would probably make private bonds far more expensive than the current bond proposal, wouldn’t guarantee the availability of funds, and would ultimately place the same or greater encumbrances on the district’s taxpayers, probably greater because of the positive environment that we now have for borrowing more dollars at a lower cost and taking care of more of our issues at once.

Please vote yes tomorrow, if not for our kids, for our property values. But really for our kids, and the kids who aren't even in the system yet.

(You can read the whole thing yourself, too! Here: http://www.brightonk12.com/files/1477857/120119%20brighton%20complete%20bond%20app.pdf)

Take a music bath...

"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Love & Power

Power and love are strange partners. I think we lose love when we seek power, but when we love, we become inadvertently powerful.

I saw this quote from Madonna earlier today: "Power is being told you are not loved and not letting it destroy you." I had to think about it for a minute. It's true in a sense, but ugh. So typical of the narcissistic world in which I sometimes feel we have to live. Personally, I'm not sure I have time to care if someone tells me they don't love me. I'm trying to be too busy loving others.

And with that thought it occurred to me what a paradox love & power are. If you seek power, I think you frighten love away. If you seek love, power, if you want it, will often come along. And I think, the more you eschew the power as it's offered, the more influential you become.

If I were to tell you what to do...

I really shouldn’t. I don’t know how. I’m not very good at this life thing myself, so I certainly shouldn’t be telling you what to do. And other people have told you so much more beautifully than I could.

But if I were to tell you what to do, I might suggest reading and listening to some of those who said it far more beautifully than I. Read the Gospel of Matthew. Read e.e. cummings. Read Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions by Richard Bach, and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey and read some Gandhi and some Martin Luther King.

Listen to Bach’s Goldberg Variations and Mahler 3 or 9 and Barber’s Adagio for Strings. Listen to the end of Der Rosenkavalier. Listen to Frank Ticheli’s “There Will Be Rest” and Franz Biebl’s “Ave Maria”. Listen to Bernstein’s “Somewhere” and Schwartz’s “All Good Gifts” and “For Good.” And Jonatha Brooke’s “Because I Told You So.” And switch it up and listen to Led Zeppelin’s “Fool in the Rain” or Queen’s “Fat Bottom Girls” or any other song that makes you smile for reasons that are your very own!

And look at the sunshine. And the clean intense blue of the sky and the colors of flowers and trees. And the crystalline pure silence of white snow. And feel the power of a coming storm or the ocean’s waves.

And read a book about, or just look at pictures of the stars. And realize that, in this incredibly vast universe, you have a place, and it’s pretty closely connected to my place. That somehow, across this super-giant giant-ness, we have stumbled across each other.

And hopefully, in all that, you’ll find that you’re very, very capable of feeling.

And when you know you are capable of feeling, stop for a moment realize that we are kindred spirits on a journey of sorts, together in a way. And knowing that, know in turn that, wherever you are in this incredibly vast universe, you never have to be alone.

Because I Told You So

If I gave you the sky
If I laid down my life
Would you believe me then?
If I promised to change
If I carried the blame
Would you believe me then?
Could you see it like me
And believe what I see
Could you listen, and remember that I love you
Only,
Because I told you, because I told you so.
If you told me you lied
But I stayed true and tried
Would you believe me then?
And if your beauty was gone
But my love lingered on
Would you believe me then?
Could you see it like me
And believe what I see
Could you listen and remember that I love you
Only,
Because I told you, because I told you so.
You take the wheel for now
I'm too tired to drive this one home anyhow,
For now
And when you mention my name
Let this one thing remain,
My love,
Believe me now.
-- the incomparable Jonatha Brooke

There will be rest, and sure stars shining
Over the roof-tops crowned with snow,
A reign of rest, serene forgetting,
The music of stillness holy and low.

I will make this world of my devising
Out of a dream in my lonely mind.
I shall find the crystal of peace, – above me
Stars I shall find.

--Sara Teasdale (1884-1933)